I am not the greatest fan of leaving New York City but when I do I want the process to be as smooth and quick as possible. The recent increase in air traffic over New York City has led to incredible delays at its three airports. The top five delayed airports in the country feature all three of New York's flying hubs . It makes for disaster when traveling to and from this metropolis. The whole process of leaving New York is made that much worse by the lack of facilities at one Gate area at La Guardia Airport that I seem to get stuck at on a monthly basis.
Air travel should be equated with the solitary word 'misery'. Just thinking about flying out of La Guardia gives me bouts of depression. Even if you have enough common sense and arrive ninety minutes before the scheduled take off time, having already printed out the boarding card, checked to see for any delays and packed only hand luggage; the process is still so daunting. The passenger still has to go through security; the luggage needs to be scanned and then they have to wait near the gate ; board the plane and sit strapped in, on the aircraft waiting for a take off spot. Nothing mentioned above is a pleasant experience.
Even the most seasoned travelers struggle with the moving goalposts of Homeland Security regulations. One week something is permissible and the next it is declared capable of bringing down an aircraft and banned completely. An example of this is mouthwash. Up until a few weeks ago small bottles up to 200 ccs were allowed in hand luggage. Last Friday I had my 150 cc bottle confiscated. The amount was changed to 100ccs becuase of increased securtity measures. The Homeland Security officer said I could finish it before I went through security. I replied that my breath was bad, but not that awful. A special search was then reserved for me following my bout of sarcasm. Mouthwash is still allowed on board but only in tiny quantities. I would hate to be a victim of mouthwash terrorism , as fresh breath could clearly cause airplanes to dive out of the sky for reasons no one can explain to me.
I do consider myself an expert in avoiding the luggge scanning machine and body search apparatus. With the exception of mouthwash I never travel with liquids. I buy any provisions I need at my destination. I wear lace-less shoes so that I can slip them on and off. I don't carry any weapons and avoid objects that could be confused with guns, knives or bombs. I refrain from wearing a belt or any jewelery that would ring the bell unnecessarily. I normally breeze through all surveillance machines and providing there isn't a long line in front , it goes quite quickly. There is nothing worse than being stuck behind the passenger who knows nothing about air travel. They usually are carrying enough liquid on them to be classified as a small stream. They have so many sharp objects in their bags that they resemble a traveling dentist. They have a tendency to wear boots with laces that wrap around fifteen clips per boot and take half an hour to remove, per foot, and have no idea about the removal of all metal objects including chewing gum wrappers, coins, pocket knives and rapper type gold chains. Being immediately behind one of these novices can cost an extra fifty minutes of frustration and mental torture.
This brings me nicely to THE "A" GATES at La Guardia. This is the home of Air Canada, Continental and Jet Blue. I think as it starts with the letter A it was the first wing of La Guardia. It is so antiquated that I imagine this part of the terminal was built in 1652 some two hundred years before the invention of air travel. It was updated during the prohibition period because it is impossible to be served any alcohol once through security. I guess the planes that latch themselves to the A Gates get so delayed that the authorities dare not serve alcohol to passengers because they would either get violent in response to all the delays or they have so much drinking time while waiting that the majority of the passengers would pass out before the flight took off.
What is made even worse is that at "Gate A land" the passengers cant even sit down for a meal either. Their are literally no facilities at all for the waiting ticket holder. There is a pretzel making kiosk and a sandwich shop that sells rubbery things Saran wrapped so thick that it is impossible to see what is really inside. The food and drink services are so bad it makes even the die hard New Yorker like me want to get the heck out of town as quickly as possible. Some of my finest experiences in air travel have been at airports where there are plentiful supplies of food and drink and delays and cancellations don't feel that bad because you get to eat drink and be merry with other customers. I honestly believe that spending time at a New York Airport and in particular La Guardia is like receiving a jail sentence. You have to go through strict security controls, there is literally only bread and water available, you spend huge amounts of time inside and if you argue with the authorities the chances of getting out get smaller and smaller.
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