BOARD MEETING OR BORED MEETING!

I just returned from the Annual General Meeting of my co-op board. When I finally left after an hour and a half I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. There are 95 apartments in my building and on average maybe 20 people show up each year to question the board on a whole range of subjects. I am convinced some of the attendees have prepared questions months in advance. I am also of the persuasion that for some of the folk there this is the first time they have left their apartment since last year's meeting.

I arrived late. Not because I had other things to do or because I had lost track of time. I chose to be late. I knew that the first fifteen minutes were a review of the building's financials which I had been present for in previous years and had almost nodded off on several occasions . This year I knew better. I walked in twenty minutes late and was shocked to see that the evening's entertainment hadn't commenced due to a lack of quorum. In modern English that meant that a certain number of people had to be present in order for the meeting to be legitimate. I have been called many things in the past but never Quorate which as it turned out was another way of describing Quorum. As soon as I walked in to the church hall. a board member looked at me and screamed out " Quorum is here." I looked behind me expecting to see a Mr Quorum. There was no one. I took my seat thinking that I have been called much worse things in the past.

It is amazing the lack of interest in the general operation of the co-operative that all tenants are a shareholder in. Most tenants pay their monthly dues to keep the building running without ever questioning a single board member on how their hard earned money is spent. It really is quite incredible the amount of apathy in New York City. I guess these tenants have faith in those who are involved and those who vote for elected board members every year. This year the Board is uncontested meaning that there are seven empty spaces and seven people running. So much for choice! Even if a candidate gets no votes they still get elected. So really the building I live in operates similar to a Banana Republic. A small powerful group, never properly elected rule over the masses, who don't challenge the leadership as long as their own lives are not affected.

The meeting began. I dozed off immediately before I was awoken by my wife who arrived unfashionably late, forty five minutes after the meeting was supposed to start. She questioned me if I had heard anything that had been discussed or if I had slept through the entire proceedings. I told her my new name of Quorum and that she could call me Quor for short. Janet didn't bite the bait. She seemed to be listening quite attentively to what was being said by the President of the Board. The subject being covered was the cost of the maintenance and real estate taxes. I had no choice but to listen as I was being jabbed in my side every thirty seconds by Janet after the President mentioned each and every increase for the next financial year. The net result was an increase of 7 per cent and my very bruised abdomen. So for me the outcome of the evening's events would be that I would be both financially and physically in pain. One was immediate and one I would feel in a few weeks.

Janet' main reason for attending the meeting was to challenge everything the Board had to say about the A/C units we were required to install in our apartment by the board that do almost everything apart from pump cold air into our rooms. Janet fought hard and argued well and made several points that met with nods and smiles from the general masses. She left the meeting feeling she had accomplished a lot. I attended the meeting to see the full force of all the crazies in our building come to life and propose the most ludicrous things to the board. Its sheer entertainment and worthy of any Broadway comedy script. The floor was opened up to any questions and comments. The list of items of concern raised by the resident lunatics included; the need for a fake orchid in the lobby , hop scotch chalking on the sidewalk in front of the building, what you can and cant do on your balcony, delivery men and their bladder issues and children's bad behavior in the lobby. I couldn't stop laughing. I hadn't spoken the whole evening but in response to all the children bashing from the spinster crew just in front of me, I suggested that the building should immediately expel all badly behaved children and that they should never be allowed back. One spinster started clapping. The meeting ended on that note since they realized that I was mocking the whole process. I can't wait until next year when I bring my kids with.